CONSENT

WHAT IS CONSENT?

Consent is a clearly and freely communicated affirmation to have sexual relations with someone. It’s an agreement between participants to have sexual engagements of any form. Consent creates an awareness that sex is wanted.

Silence doesn’t insinuate consent. For every time sex or sexual-related activity is wanted, consent is required. Giving consent is a never-ending phase. It’s not implied by what one wears or by a compliment given. Consent revolves around communication.

Expressing consent can help sexual partners feel comfortable and respectful of their partner’s boundaries. It’s pertinent to know that consent can’t be accorded by individuals who are being intimidated, incapacitated by drugs and alcohol, unconscious, asleep, or underage.

Consenting to a sexual activity at a time doesn’t imply that consent is given for other sexual activities or the sexual activity at another time. For instance, agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t imply that consent is given to take off your clothes. Neither does it imply that consent is given to kiss you at a different time. In addition, consent does not accompany being in a relationship or being married to someone. It still has to be given.

One can withdraw consent at any point you feel discomfort or uninterested. You can do this through gentle communication. Withdrawing consent verbally can sometimes be difficult, so nonverbal cues can also be made.

Consent should look like this:

💚 Confirming that there is a reciprocal interest before initiating any physical or sexual interaction.

💚 Letting your partner know that you can stop at any time.

💚 Checking in at intervals on your partner.

💚 Crystal-clear agreement to any sexual activity.

Also, consent isn’t given or implied by physiological responses such as arousal, lubrication, erection, or an orgasm. These are natural responses regarded as involuntary responses when consent isn’t given.

In a nutshell, consent should be given freely, be reversible, be enthusiastic, and be specific. Communication is vital as it helps to set boundaries before, during, and after any form of sexual interaction. It’s a willingly given permission free of coercion or pressure.

What Consent Isn’t:

17, my first week on campus, I went to visit my then-boyfriend of 3 months. That night, we played truth or dare. He dared me to take off my bra, and we started making out. One thing led to another, and that became the day broke my virginity.

For years, I held that as an okay first time, Until I remembered that before we’d met, I’d told him time and time again that I wasn’t ready to have sex. I was scared. Even that day, I told him I didn’t want to have sex.

So, my first time was coercion; I didn’t and couldn’t(because I was 17) give consent. At 17, I didn’t know better, so let me tell you, what consent isn’t:

Coercion is a Big No-No:

Hey there! So, you know how when you really want to do something, and someone makes you do it? Not cool, right? Well, that’s not consent. Consent is when everyone is happy about doing something together. If anyone’s forcing or tricking you into it, that’s a big red flag. Have you ever felt someone pushing you into things you don’t want to do?

Flirting is Fun, But Not Consent:

Flirting can be kinda fun, like telling jokes or being friendly. But here’s the scoop: just because someone is laughing or being silly doesn’t mean they’re saying yes to everything. Real consent means talking and agreeing. Have you ever thought someone liked you just because they were joking around?

Guilt-Tripping is a No-Go:

Okay, let’s talk about feeling bad. Imagine someone making you feel guilty so you’ll say yes to something. Not fair, right? Consent isn’t about making someone feel bad; it’s about everyone feeling good about what’s happening. Have you ever felt pressured into saying yes because you didn’t want to upset someone?

Changing Your Mind is Totally Okay:

Guess what? You can change your mind anytime! Maybe you said yes, but now you’re not feeling it. That’s totally fine. Consent isn’t a one-time thing. It’s like, “Hey, I thought I wanted to play this game, but now I don’t.” Have you ever wanted to stop doing something even though you said yes before?

Remember, talking and ensuring everyone is comfortable and happy is super important. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to say, “Hold on, I changed my mind.” Consent is about everyone feeling good and being okay with what’s happening. What do you think about that?