Interview With Sekhani: First Sexual Experience

Starting by wishing you a very happy and prosperous new year. How has the year been for you so far? We want to hear all about it, especially me. Before we get into that, 13 women shared their first sexual experience and wants you dear reader to hear them, feel their pain and comfort them.

Like other interviews with Sekhani, this one also comes with a trigger warning. Some of these women’s stories involve very gory situations.

Sekhani: Hello, how are you doing today? Can you tell us your name?

Ngozi: Hi, my name is Ngozi. I’m doing good …anxious.

Mide: Hi, I’m Mide.

Moon: Hi, I’m Moon.

Hils: Hi, I’m Hils.

AB: Hi, I’m AB.

Didi: Hi, I’m Didi.

Pike: Hi, I’m Pike.

Debbie: Hi, I’m Debbie.

Ayaf: Hi, I’m Ayaf.

Mimi: Hi, I’m Mimi.

Trefle and trees: Hi, I’m Trefle and trees.

Mo: Hi, I’m Mo.

Tosan: Hi, I’m Tosan.

Sekhani: Can you tell us about your first sexual experience?

Ngozi: It was Rape.

Mide: It was trash.

Moon: I was 16, he was 21. I felt both pressured and excited at the same thing. We agreed to do it on his birthday. He disciplined me with his finger three days leading to that, I am cringing as I recall this.

Hils: My first sexual experience was uncomfortable. That first pain after penetration, then trying to adjust and build rhythm wasn’t fun or easy but eventually the pain subsided a bit but the discomfort didn’t go away.

AB: I was small, I don’t know or remember what age but there’s this man that takes me inside his room and makes me touch his private and he also touches mine .I don’t like home cooked meal at that time so he always buys me the biscuits and drink that I like then he asks me to come and take it from his room.

Didi: Sure thing. My first sexual experience was perfectly mapped out by myself. It wasn’t something that happened randomly or that I was pressured into. It was something I laid something similar to a plan for. I decided I would be open to having sex that year and I decided to look for who I would be attracted to in order to go through with it. I eventually met someone and we vibed quite well and I was sexually attracted enough to him and we had sex. He had no idea that was my first time having sex as I didn’t deem it important to inform him. I wanted to get it out of the way, and that’s what I did. Penetration was painful and I didn’t think I would be open to feeling that kind of pain again.

Pike: I think it was beautiful. My then boyfriend and I got a room and had talked about it many times before then. He was gentle and sweet and I don’t remember feeling a lot of pain, if any.

Debbie: I was six when it happened, I barely knew what sex was then and it was with a sibling who was also a teenager at the time. It was so weird, I felt some type of way I didn’t have words for until I was much older.

Ayaf: It was very bad. I slept with a man I was groomed by. I thought it was good for me, but my mom opened my eyes with violence.

Mimi: It was all pain. He kept on forcing his way in despite the fact I told him I was feeling pains during the process of entering. I told him I didn’t want to have it anymore cause I couldn’t stand the pain but he took advantage of me being naive, continued and told me this would make me a woman lol. Though it was a mutual agreement at first but once I started feeling pains,I backed out but he didn’t.

Trefle and trees: I’m short, it was horrible. It was painful and I couldn’t communicate. My mind was all over the place. While I had readied myself for it by trading books on sex and pleasure I couldn’t help but feel like I was submitting my body for him to masturbate with.

MO: It was traumatic. I didn’t want to do it but he did anyway. I wish it was a better experience but it was not. I tried to have sex with someone I liked after but it just was not the same.The pain was indescribable. Now, I have some messed up fantasy and sexual kinks. I hope younger women have better experiences.

Tosan: It was forceful and I wasn’t ready for it. My ex boyfriend and I were in a room making out when he pinned me with his hands on the bed and he forcefully penetrated my vagina.

Sekhani: How did you feel leading up to your first sexual experience?

Ngozi: He was supposed to train me for a show.

Mide: I wasn’t looking forward to it or anything.

Moon: I was pressured because I was not sure if I was ready to part with my virginity. But I was also curious and excited to get over it.

Hils: It was spontaneous and unplanned, it just happened.

AB: No feelings whatsoever I was a little girl.

Didi: I wouldn’t really know how to explain it but I didn’t feel much. I might have anticipated it at some point. I also might have been anxious or nervous but it was off and on. I didn’t do much preparation other than shaving my vagina.

Pike: I was excited and sort of prepared. I did a lot of research beforehand. I always do a lot of research before I do things, especially sexual things.

Debbie: Scared, I knew it was wrong but there was nothing I could do.

Ayaf: I felt like I needed to give it to him so I could keep him. He had been grooming me for two years and I was happy, I’m not happy about it now.

Mimi: Not great at all.

Trefle and trees: It felt ready as could be.

Mo: I wasn’t ready.

Tosan: I wasn’t expecting it so I didn’t feel anything.

Sekhani: What were your thoughts and emotions during your first sexual experience?

Ngozi: I was shocked!

Mide: All I felt was pain.

Moon: I thought, what is all the fuss about this? I was not impressed.

Hils: “So this is the sex everyone has been clamouring about?” It didn’t feel special or anything LOL.

AB: What is this white stuff coming from this man’s body?

Didi: My thoughts: Pain. Emotions: nervousness? Is nervousness an emotion?

Pike: “Oh, this doesn’t hurt” “I really like that actually ” “Yayy, this is amazing”

Debbie: I just wanted it to end, I felt tingles in an irritating way and I just wanted it to stop.

Ayaf: Scared, he made me do things I thought I would never be able to do, did me anyhow, he was always saying “you should be flexible now”

Mimi: I felt hurt, I wondered how people enjoyed it despite the pains.

Trefle and trees: I felt hurt, I wondered how people enjoyed it despite the pains.

Mo: Why did I come over to his place?

Tosan: Is this what sec feels like, is it normal to be forced into it, was he doing the right thing, what if I get pregnant, is he doing this because he loves me.

Sekhani: Did you feel adequately prepared or informed about what to expect?

Ngozi: No.

Mide: No, he raped me.

Moon: No, I wasn’t.

Hils: Yes I was informed and prepared. Even down to sexual aftercare.

AB: Yes, i felt adequately prepared and informed about what to expect but it wasn’t enough to prepare me for the pain i felt sha. I always heard it could be painful but I thought it was greatly exaggerated. Boy, was I wrong.

Didi: Yes, I did.

Pike: At all.

Debbie: I didn’t know it was time but I knew it was coming.

Ayaf: Nope.

Mimi: No, not many people talk about the first time. I expected it to be so amazing but it was so disappointing!

Trefle and trees: I knew what to expect. I just didn’t want it to happen like that.

MO: No I didn’t.

Tosan: No I didn’t

Sekhani: How did you and your partner communicate and establish consent during that experience?

Ngozi: He is a strange man and I don’t know his name.

Mide: It’s more like he pressured me.

Moon: I consented, I wanted to please him.

Hils: When I complained of discomfort, he stopped and waited for me to adjust and give him go ahead.

AB: None I mean what would I know about consent.

Didi: Well, like i already mentioned, he wasn’t aware that would be my first time having sex. However, we didn’t really communicate much or explicitly how we wanted to get down. With us, it was just a matter of picking up on signals and flirting over text till it happened.

Pike: He always asked before doing anything and kept checking in with me to be sure I was okay and I did the same.

Debbie: They begged for it and that was it.

Ayaf: After kissing started inserting, I didn’t even understand consent then, I was 15.

Mimi: We already consented before the experience but during the experience , I didn’t want to go through it anymore but he was not ready to listen to me.

Trefle and trees: I initiated it, and they kept asking if I was okay during it..

Tosan: Oh there was no consent.

Sekhani: Were there any challenges or difficulties you encountered during your first sexual experience?

Ngozi: Hmmm.

Mide: Yes it was painful all through.

Moon: No.

Hils: Not sure.

AB: I don’t know.

Didi: Not really. Just penetration. EVerything was fine until he attempted penetration.

Pike: No, not really.

Debbie: The experience itself was a challenge.

Ayaf: A lot, my body was aching and I felt so much pain, too much pain.

Mimi: Yup.

Trefle and trees: Nope.

Tosan: It was painful because I wasn’t ready for it.

Sekhani: Did you feel comfortable and safe during the experience? If not, kindly elaborate.

Ngozi: No.

Mide: I didn’t feel comfortable , told him to stop countless times and he didn’t.

Moon: Yes.

Hils: Yes, I felt space even though I was shy.

AB: No.

Didi: Yes, I did.

Pike: Yes, I did.

Debbie: No, I don’t. It was and still is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced.

Ayaf: I Felt safe , not comfortable because my parents will be looking for me at home.

Mimi: Yes.

Trefle and trees: Yes I felt safe because I had planned it in my head and my partner was a good friend of mine.

Tosan: I didn’t for obvious reasons.

Sekhani: Did your expectations of the experience match reality? How so?

Ngozi: No.

Mide: I wasn’t expecting him to rape me.

Moon: Didn’t match the hype.

Hils: No, I expected a mind blowing experience.

AB: It didn’t match. It was special or spectacular in any way.

Didi: I didn’t even know what sex was.

Pike: I guess so. I had done research and was prepped for the blood and/or the pain that may or may not come. And it neither showed up and it was great.

Debbie: LOL, no it did not. It was a lot of things o but it was not as smooth as I imagined it would be and once we tried that once and he succeeded, I wasn’t keen on trying again.

Ayaf: I didn’t even have time to think about It’ll go for me, I’m one of the unlucky ones I guess.

Mimi: Nope. I expected fireworks and back to back orgasms but it just hurt..

Trefle and trees: I wished I did it on my own terms and when I was ready instead of being forced into it.

Tosan: It didn’t. It was awful and painful.

Sekhani: What did you learn from your first sexual experience?

Ngozi: Nothing.

Mide: That I don’t like men like that.

Moon: I learnt nothing, I just felt disappointed.

Hils: Communication and trust needs to be in a sexual relationship.

AB: My real first sexual experience as an adult felt strange and I was scared because it brought back memories of childhood trauma.

Didi: That the first time can be painful. It’s different for everyone. And that it isn’t necessary for one to make a big deal about losing one’s virginity especially as a woman. It’s totally fine to just go ahead with having sex without having any strings attached or anything.

Pike: The research beforehand is awesome. Having an idea of something before deciding to do it is really helpful in making informed choices.

Debbie: That it wasn’t appropriate.

Ayaf: A lot, idk where to start from considering that this man was a pedophile and a groomer.

Trefle and trees: I learnt to communicate my wants better and that I was responsible for my pleasure.

Tosan: That my ex was a terrible person and a rapist.

Sekhani: Do you wish you waited longer to explore a sexual relationship or do you have any regrets when it comes to who you explored with?

Ngozi: Yes.

Mide: I wish I did it with someone reasonable enough to consider my feelings.

Moon: Yes, I wish I waited. I should not have done it with him.

Hils: I have no regrets.

AB: Sometimes, i catch myself wishing i didn’t wait so long to start having sex (waited till i was 25). This is because I believe I would be able to know my body more at this stage but it’s fine. I am also happy I waited that long because that was how long it took me to be comfortable with the idea of sex. I’m happy I didn’t let any guy pressure me into sleeping with him. I would have regretted that more. And no, I don’t have any regrets when it comes to who I explored with. If anything, I wish I could have explored more with him and what we had didn’t end as abruptly as it did..

Didi: I honestly wished I could have waited tbh.

Pike: Now that I’m older, I think two 17 year olds had no business having so much sex (LOL) but from a we were quite young person standpoint. However, I’m glad I did it then and I’m glad it was with him. I started learning about my body properly due to that and I’ve been very open and an advocate for comprehensive sex education due to my experience.

Debbie: Regrets, a lot of it, I also hated that I didn’t speak up when it happened because when I told my parents years later, they didn’t believe me.

Ayaf: Both

Mimi: Nope.

Trefle and trees: I wished I did it on my own terms and when I was ready instead of being forced into it.

Tosan: …

Sekhani: Looking back, is there anything you would have done differently?

Ngozi: I feel like it’s my fault, maybe I shouldn’t have trusted the person who took me there. I’m speechless.

Mide: Would have put my pleasure first.

Moon: Yes, I would have waited.

Hils: Not at all.

AB: If my father didn’t die ,if my mum didn’t give me out to some cousin maybe everything would be different.

Didi: No, not really. Thank you for this. I greatly enjoyed sharing this.

Pike: I think I would’ve preferred to get on a contraceptive much earlier than I did to avoid all the scars I had because I was paranoid about using only condoms.

Debbie: I would have killed them after and never have to deal with them ever again.

Ayaf: Yes, apparently.

Mimi: I’d have had patience to explore sex properly until I was fully ready.

Trefle and trees: I would have prepared my mind a lot more.

Tosan: I wouldn’t have gone to meet him in that hotel.

Thank you for sharing your story with us and with a lot of other women. We hope your story will in a way educate women out there who are yet to experience sex. Our next blog post will shed more light on this topic, don’t forget to share to your friends.

Till next time,

Sekhani.